‘Why hasn’t the bar opened yet?’ many lovely people asked me over the weekend while I worked at Hartsyard.
I was a tad busy at the restaurant to answer your questions in full, so let me explain more completely here.
One reason is the lack of the modern and commonly used device the internet.
Those of you following the blog will remember the great telecommunications disaster of 2015 where our internet was installed at the wrong address and despite THE PUSS acknowledging all responsibility for the mistake, they claimed there was nothing they could do to fix it and we could wait 19 days for a new installation to occur.
You’ll be pleased to know that despite my case being ‘expedited’ I am still yet to hear a single thing from the Complaints Officer assigned my case. I suspect it was expedited right out the door and under a rug, and their tactic is to feign sudden deafness and hope I go away. It’s not a bad option – my 4 year old tries it all the time.
Then there was the bank. We’ll call them DRAB. We first tried to open a new business account for the bar back in November of LAST YEAR. Somehow, despite all the new information in front of her,and the fact that Hartsyard already had an account with DRAB, the teller got muddled and opened a new account for Hartsyard which even now I find perplexing.
In stepped the big-dog and the manager took over, assuring us everything would be just fine.
Except that it wasn’t.
And when we went to pay bills from it last week we discovered he’d put a hold on the account.
Even he couldn’t tell us why he’d done it when we asked.
After another visit he assured us (again) that the problem was fixed and we could merrily pay our bills.
Except that we couldn’t.
Still there was a hold and our creditors started to doubt our word.
Another visit, a few phone calls, a couple of emails and two days later the hold was finally removed, only to be replaced by a transfer limit so low we still couldn’t pay any of the invoices.
I wish the ice machine only cost $1000.
A week later and despite multiple assurances from the manager that it has been lifted, the limit is still in place, so Gregory went into the DRAB and stayed there until the manager transferred our money into the restaurant account so at least we can pay our bills from there.
‘I really don’t know much about business banking,’ he said to Gregory by way of apology.
This was very dangerous indeed. Gregory’s threshold for bozos in bureaucracies has been reached and well and truly breached and no one would call him a patient man to begin with.
‘Do you know what it’s like to have to pay bills?’ He says to this guy. ‘It’s a very stressful thing. These bills are now 7 days old. It makes me look cheap. I am not cheap. Give me my money. NOW.’
I am actually going to give him 10 our of 10 for that. He listened to my coaching and remained calm, despite wanting to ‘tell this guy to get his finger out of his arse.’
The reassuring thing in both these cases is that we are not alone.
Sing that to the 1980’s ballad.
Shortly after I posted the blog about THE PUSS, our accountant rang me claiming he had a funny story to tell me. Immediately stressing it was about an outstanding BAS, I started searching my mind for any place in the world we might find any more cash, but then he came out with this;
‘Our firm was using THE PUSS for internet too and they just installed ours at the business next door.’
I wonder if it was the same technician.
He must be having a real laugh each night, sitting in his lounge chair chuckling about how many people he’s infuriated that day and knowing his job remains completely secure because his company refuses to do absolutely anything whatsoever about his mistakes.
I want a job like that.
And yesterday when Gregory was at the bank, he seemed like a pillar of calm in comparison to the guy next to him who was yelling; ‘it’s my money. Why can’t I access my own money? I’m a small business. I have bills to pay.’
The opening has also been delayed by the 5 light covers that arrived from the US packed in nothing more than a brown box. Seriously. Check it out.
This is what it looked like upon opening.
So, photos were taken, insurance claims were filed and a replacement cover is on its way.
It’s amazing really that only one of the five was broken.
But spirits are high and cocktail testing is happening, so it’s not all PUSS and DRAB.
The bar stools go in tomorrow and are designed specifically to accommodate my 6’4″ brother’s rather large booty while also being comfortable for our petite chef who barely comes up to his shoulder.
The bottom line is, (ha ha) getting this many people and this many things to all happen simultaneously is rather tricky.
It reminds me of the final few weeks rehearsing a show.
Towards the end of your 6 weeks rehearsal period, you start to do things like Q2Q’s and 10 out of 12’s.
Q2Q’s (or top and tails as they’re also called) is where you walk through the script, stopping at all the technical spots. Essential but fairly laborious because you have to stand on your mark for an eternity while the lighting guys rehang the spot.
10 out of 12’s is a ten hour day with 2 one hour breaks. Again a tad tedious but necessary to time the costume change, check the set actually rotates as its intended, rework your prop list and ensure clear passageways backstage when working with animals. That was Joseph And The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat. What a shit show. Literally. Camels, goats, sheep and one terrified lamb. Total debacle.
But there the difference ends.
The Actor’s Union only allows one 10 out of 12 and only in the final 7 days before opening.
I need to call my union…